Hold Me Now
by Sunchaser55
Summary: Death plagues Eren's dreams – memories of his mother that he would much rather bury far below his crutch of anger. In his rare moment of displayed despair, Armin and Mikasa do their utmost to comfort him. T for swearing.


**This was actually the first SnK fic I ever wrote. Though I wound up posting my Jearmin fic first for some reason. I hope you all like it! I love the trio to bits! Enjoy! **

**WARNING: Angst**

**Pairing(s): Mikasa x Eren x Armin**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan, or do I own the song used in this fic. **

* * *

**Hold Me Now**

_Fall asleep to dreams of home_

_where the waves are crashing_

_The only place I've ever known_

_Now the future has me_

_I see the fire in the sky_

_See it all around me_

_I said the past is dead, the life I had is gone_

_Said I won't give up_

_Until I see the sun_

_Waking up and letting go_

_to the sound of angels_

_Am I alive or just a ghost?_

_Haunted by my sorrows_

_Hope is slipping through my hands_

_gravity is taking hold_

_Said I'm not afraid, that I am brave enough_

_I will not give up_

_until I see the sun_

_Hold me now_

_Until the fear is leaving_

_I am barely breathing_

_Crying out_

_These tired wings are falling_

_I need you to catch me_

* * *

The crimson-red substance was hot as it sprayed over the skin of his face. It was warm and fresh, and so very real despite the fact that the young boy was still enduring vast amounts of shock throughout his entire body. He trembled uncontrollably, and his mind was a swirl of horror, rage and sadness. All he could do was watch with bewildered, widened eyes, hardly even aware that he was screaming as his tears made the miserable sounds that came from him crack and thicken. They spilled from his eyes as if there was no end to them, staining his cheeks with their anguish and misery.

His muscles burnt at the strain as he forced his arm over the shoulder of the man who carried him. He reached for his mother, fingers spread widely as he desperately extended his arm out towards her – even though he knew full well that she was already dead. The Titan had consumed her, sending her blood flying through the air that was also plagued with horrendous screams of hopelessness, terror and agony.

He knew that she couldn't possibly still be alive. Wasn't the fact that her blood soaked his face fact enough? But even so, that didn't stop the boy from struggling against Hannes, or from begging him to go back for his doomed mother. He cried out, and pleaded. But it was far too late.

"Eren!"

The boy's head snapped up to gaze into the sky that was bathed in the setting sun's orange light. If it wasn't for the screams; the shouting; the heavy scent of blood ; and the emptiness that'd come over him, then maybe he would've considered the sight to be pretty. Somebody... had called his name? From the sky? Was it God? Would God save his mother, maybe?

He'd never really believed in such a thing. How could he? Where was God as they were being ruthlessly devoured by Titans? But with a reluctance that lasted not even the fraction of a heartbeat, he decided that if believing for only a second meant that his mom could still be alive somehow, then maybe -

"Eren!"

The vivid sky that was tainted by death quickly disappeared as Eren Jaeger's teal eyes snapped open, taking in a dark ceiling as he swallowed a scream and instead gasped for breath. He inhaled and exhaled roughly, beads of sweat rolling from his brow and covering his entire body as he sat up just as quickly as he had awoken from his crippling nightmare.

"Eren, are you alright?"

The weary brunette gasped at the sudden voice as it startled him, instinctively balling his hand into a tight fist before swiftly sending it into the darkness before him. He gulped and calmed down slightly as his punch was caught in mid-air by a firm, strong grip. Relief fell over him as his vision focused and made out Mikasa's face through the night. He realized that Armin also knelt at his bedside, moonlight from the nearby window emphasizing the concern on the blonde's face.

Though before long, it wasn't relief that Eren felt – but shame. Were his friends aware of his current state? Could they see his tears, despite the fact that the moon was their only source of light right then? Could they see his body as it trembled? Could they hear the hammering of his heartbeat? He swallowed thickly, bowing his head as self-consciousness consumed him.

"W-what the fuck are you guys doing up?" he managed to say – though his voice sounded far shakier then he'd intended. He couldn't help but frown further at the way his voice sounded, frustrated with himself, "You know it's really late, right? Only fools would exhaust themselves like that."

It was Mikasa who spoke to him quietly. She gently placed a hand on the brunette's thigh, her brow twitching faintly before it furrowed worriedly, "Eren... you were crying out in your sleep." She hesitated. "Were you having a nightmare?"

"Talking about it may help you feel better," Armin added, his voice hardly audible. Apart of him wondered if Eren would only push them away. He always toughed things out, denying any comfort that they offered him. Armin understood too well after years of knowing him that Eren was indeed stubborn. Too stubborn. Though Armin had never witnessed anything like this – despite knowing the brunette since they were hardly even seven years old. He'd never seen Eren suffer from a nightmare before. He'd never seen Eren appear so vulnerable... so broken. His stubbornness and pride were still there – but they were in shambles.

It made Armin more and more melancholy the longer his eyes hovered over his subdued friend. He didn't think he'd ever wish such a thing, but he missed the Eren who flawlessly pretended he was alright – even when he wasn't ; even though the boy's stubbornness had infuriated him time and time again when he was doing his utmost to comfort him...

The blonde could feel as his eyes began to sting, tears building up within them and threatening to fall. If Eren was too ashamed to cry, then Armin would cry for the both of them.

Eren pressed his lips together tightly at Mikasa's question, refusing to meet their eyes even still. His brow furrowed in what appeared to be a mix of anger and uncertainty – twitching back and fourth between the two. "I'm fine," he sniffled, his facial expression tensing as he moved his head to his left ever so slightly, wishing more then anything that they'd leave him alone. His expression softened somewhat as he found himself staring at the hand that rested on his leg – Mikasa's hand.

Mikasa frowned. "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to..." Mikasa was quiet, and often kept to herself. To strangers, she didn't come off as the kind of person who'd accept hugs easily, nor condone any snuggling. But when it came to Eren... well, he was so very important to her. Nothing meant more to her then keeping him safe and happy. She would do anything for him. So without another moment's hesitation, she crawled onto Eren's mattress, sitting cross-legged right in front of where he himself sat. She rubbed at his arm affectionately, cringing at how violently he shook. She needed to calm him. "Whether you want to tell us or not, Armin and I are here for you, okay, Eren?"

She smiled over at him weakly as he slowly raised his head – his teal eyes bright even in the darkness. They locked with her hazel ones, sadness swimming within their depths. It made Mikasa's heart ache – almost as if Eren himself held it within his grasp, squeezing at it.

"Eren..." Armin murmured the boy's name sadly before following after Mikasa. He silently sat down next to her, his hands fidgeting in his lap. Mikasa was doing everything she could to help Eren. He wanted to help too. He was supposed to be wise, right? Why was he left so tongue-tied? "I guess... do you need anything? A glass of water, maybe?"

That was the best he could come up with, and he felt pathetic because of it...

Mikasa nodded her head. "Are you thirsty, Eren? It might help."

Armin glanced over at Mikasa, satisfied that she seemed pleased with his suggestion. Maybe he was being helpful after all?

Eren shook his head from side to side, his voice cracking as he spoke. "I said I'm fine..." It seemed he was on the verge of tears as his body only shook that much more noticeably. With gritted teeth, he tried to fight against it but to no avail. The images of his mother being devoured reopened each and every afflicted wound. It all felt so fresh. As if he'd lost her all over again.

Where was his anger? Where was the anger that helped him cope with that pain? His crutch?

He was trapped in his sorrows – trapped in that moment when she had died right before his very eyes. The rage didn't exist yet. Only the shock, hopelessness and unbearable emotional trauma did.

Eren really, _really _didn't want to break. Not like this. Not in front of the two people he trusted more then anybody else in the entire world. He needed to be stronger then this. For them. For himself. For his mother. For vengeance.

His quaking lips parted as he prepared to say something along the lines of, 'go back to bed.' But he sealed them just as suddenly, hissing through his teeth as he clenched his jaw. His eyes were burning now. Spilt tears were inevitable. He wouldn't be able to hold them back for much longer. "Just..." he spoke breathlessly, tears silently running down his cheeks. He sobbed slightly as he spoke, though he tried his best to keep any sniffling and sobbing to an absolute minimum. Either way, for Eren to sound (and appear) so disheartened...

It broke both of their hearts.

"...just stay with me. Talk to me. Or something... I don't know..." he grew quieter and quieter with each proposition until he finally went silent, clasping both hands over his face as he succumbed to his tears, restrained whimpers and sobs coming from him as his trembling became that much more erratic.

Armin felt it the moment his heart began to sink. What now? What could he do to help Eren? His mind went blank in a panic as his own tears began to gently roll down his cheeks.

Mikasa seemed to be in awe for a few moments herself, doing nothing but watching the broken boy with sad, hazel coloured eyes. That was, until she edged towards him a bit more closely and wrapped her arms around him, cradling his head into her shoulder. She understood his pain. Both she _and _Armin did. They understood how painful it was to lose loved-ones.

Hushing him, she guided his head into her lap, letting him lay there as her fingers found their way between Eren's dark locks of hair. Armin shuffled closer also, peering down into Eren's face. He hadn't struggled against her or protested – not once. Maybe comforting him this way would relax him.

"Don't worry. I'll stay right here. Even after you fall back to sleep," Armin forced a weak smile, wiping his own tears away with the sleeve of his pyjamas. With his free arm, he reached out to grasp onto Eren's hand. Tenderly, he laced their fingers together.

Mikasa stared down at the brunette in her lap, continuing to caress his hair fondly. "Me too. I'm not going anywhere." Whether Eren interpreted as such, Mikasa wasn't sure, but her words went far beyond accompanying him for only the night. She would stay with him forever. Nothing would happen to her. She wouldn't allow for Eren to lose yet another loved one...

Eren sniffled quietly, pushing the side of his face into Mikasa's lap in what was a mix between embarrassment and his own frustrations evoked through pride and incompliancy. He squeezed at Armin's hand slightly, his lips pressed together in a tight frown. He narrowed his eyes, his free hand resting upon Mikasa's leg before clenching around her nightgown. "Armin... Mikasa...Thanks," he muttered, biting the inside of his mouth afterwards, "But we all forget about this in the morning, got it?"

Subconsciously, Eren's hand squeezed even more tightly at the blonde's at the silence that followed his most current words. His eyes fluttered shut, his brow twitching faintly overhead as the last of his tears silently rolled across the surface of his coloured cheeks. "I'll... see you guys in the morning." Despite the fact that his voice sounded thick, Eren couldn't deny the warmth that enveloped his chest at the thought that when he woke up, his two best friends in the entire world would remain with him. He would never see his mother again. Not ever. But right then, he didn't feel so alone because of it. He was _never_ alone...

And unlike that time – that time where he was much too pathetic and weak to defend his mother – Eren would protect them. He was a soldier now. He would slaughter each and every titan. Every fucking one. Those freaks wouldn't ever touch somebody he loved ever again. Just thinking about it made his blood boil, and his jaw clench. He also must have been trembling somewhat, because he heard Mikasa whisper to him, her hand dipping down from where it rested upon his head so that she may caress the side of his face gently. "Eren... I understand why you wouldn't want to talk about it, but if it would help you feel better, Armin and I are here to listen."

Armin hastily added, "You said you wanted to talk, right? We could even talk about other things if you'd like!" Yet again, he squeezed at Eren's hand, his desperate eyes bright and intense in even the darkness. "Or if you'd rather just listen, I can talk about the outside world. About the fire water; and the continent made out of ice; or the massive, salty ocean."

Eren's face emerged from where it hid within Mikasa's nightgown, his puffy, red eyes meeting Armin's as the briefest of smiles crossed his lips. "What about the weird, pink birds or whatever?"

Armin giggled, "They're called Flamingos. There can be white and orange ones too. In my grandfather's book, it stated that they're different colours depending on what pigment is found in the food they eat."

"Sounds more like a fairy tale to me," Mikasa joined in, staring down at Eren fondly. She was relieved to see a smile, however small, on the brunette's face. If she could depend on anybody else to care for Eren other than herself, she was certain that she could put that amount of faith in Armin. He and Eren shared a type of unconditional love. An unbreakable bond and a passionate dream.

Eren pressed his lips together, the faint smile vanishing just as quickly as it had appeared before. A more serious look overcame him, and both Mikasa and Armin couldn't help but swallow thickly in concern yet again. Helping Eren feel better through talk of their dreams was too good to be true, huh?

Licking at his dry lips before he spoke next, Eren craned his neck so that he could peer up into Mikasa's face. His teal gaze diverted between both her hazel eyes and Armin's baby blue ones as he spoke, directing the genuine words that came from his mouth towards the both of them. "Mikasa. Armin. Thanks... I..." he trailed off, admitting to himself that he felt quite a bit better now within the security that his friends offered him. He just didn't know how to properly express those feelings without sounding dumb. Not that Armin and Mikasa would ever think that of him in the first place though. Well... unless he was being reckless. But never when it came to moments like these. All they wanted was for Eren to share his thoughts and feelings with them a bit more. Not just the anger that he housed. But his _true _feelings. Like the way the void in his heart must have ached ; the sadness that he must have felt, but had decided to keep to himself in fear that he was being weak.

Those sorts of things.

It hurt them too whenever Eren would cut them off or shut them out.

"I... think that I'm fine now," he managed to say, giving up at any attempt to word his gratitude better. "It was just a stupid dream." He paused for a moment, his thoughts lingering on the idea of maybe actually telling them about his nightmare. He'd been too stubborn before, but they were his friends, right? They'd softened him somehow. He knew that they wouldn't think any less of him. He opened his mouth reluctantly, his hesitance painfully noticeable, "About what you guys said before... I... I _did_ have a nightmare."

Eren couldn't deny the way that their eyes brightened as he chose to hopefully open up to him, though he noted that they remained silent – eager for him to continue before he lost his nerve. They merely watched him through their concerned orbs, Mikasa's fingers freezing up in Eren's locks of brown coloured hair, and Armin's clasping onto Eren's hand more securely as his breath caught in his chest.

"It... was about," he cut himself off, tremors beginning to return as his eyes wandered the room in a panic. If he mentioned anything about home – about Shiginishina, then they'd figure out in a heart beat's time that he'd dreamt of his mother. Now that it came down to it, did he _actually _want to tell them? Did he really want to worry them? It'd been a few years since the loss of his mother, and yet the pain of it had never once faded. He'd kill each and every Titan because of it – to ease that pain. To avenge his mother. They were more then aware of his vendetta, but to bring his mother up out of the blue like this? He'd spoken only rare words of it since it'd happened, so... to admit he was still having nightmares about it... He wondered if maybe Mikasa still had nightmares of her parents. Or whether Armin was still aching from the pain of losing not only his parents at a young age, but his grandfather also. Regardless of what they felt, Eren couldn't keep from noticing that not one of them ever really spoke of such things.

Not ever.

So maybe he'd keep it that way. Maybe they never spoke of their parents because it only supplied their wounds with salt.

"I dreamt that we'd never make it outside..." Eren hardly breathed as the lie left his parted lips. He refused to look at either one of them, confident that they'd take it as shame over guilt.

Mikasa pressed her lips together tightly as Armin's eyebrows knitted together, his second hand meeting their joined ones as he placed it over-top of their knuckles. Grasping onto Eren's hand between his own, Armin spoke calmly despite the desire he housed within him to cry out and persuade Eren otherwise. It was their dream to go beyond the walls. If their dream harmed Eren in any way or made him doubt himself, then Armin would endure that pain also. Eren was always there to encourage him whenever he wanted to give up, so now Armin would sway Eren.

"Are you scared that we'll never fulfil our dream, Eren?" Armin began cautiously, "I don't want you to feel that way. Because I know you even better then you might know yourself. Maybe you haven't always realized it because you're the one who's constantly consoling me... But I've always seen it. You never give up, Eren. Not on me. Not on Mikasa. Not anybody. You're not going to give up on your dream either. You told me that no matter what that you're going to make it to the outside world, Eren. If anybody can keep that promise, it's you. I _know _you can do it."

"_Our _dream," Eren corrected the blonde, taking a moment as he attempted to recollect himself. After Armin's heartfelt response, the brunette's guilt had definitely tripled. It wasn't that it had caught him entirely off guard, he just hadn't thought this far ahead. He hoped that maybe they'd buy it and that would be all like, 'Oh, silly, Eren. Of course we'll make it outside. Don't have dreams like that.' Bam. Conversation over. No more worrying.

Despite the falseness of Eren's words, he still valued Armin's encouragement to the point where he couldn't keep from smiling softly at the blonde through the darkness.

"Armin... Thank you," he continued fondly, his teal orbs wandering from Armin's caring eyes to their laced fingers, "I trusted that you'd know the perfect thing to say. You always do."

Even through the darkness, it wasn't all too difficult to notice the vivid blush that lit up the blonde's face. He appeared ecstatic at the compliment, which made Eren both happy and also feel even the slightest bit less guilty about lying to them... Speaking of which, his eyes snapped up to peer at Mikasa, suddenly just realizing that she'd been quiet since he'd decided to speak up about his apparent dream. He figured that maybe, like himself, that she'd simply decided to leave the talking to Armin. He was by far the best with words of the three. Well, of anybody Eren knew, really.

"You should try and sleep now," Mikasa finally broke her period of silence, beginning to rub at the brunette's hair once again – though this time she waved a hand through his parted bangs, tucking any strands that were long enough behind his ear.

Armin nodded, "Yeah. You look really tired. But don't worry – I'll still stay. We promised you, remember? Besides, maybe we can try and help to keep the bad dreams away?"

"Don't worry about me," Eren protested, narrowing his eyes slightly, "I feel better. You two should head to bed too. Aren't you tired? Cause you both look tired as fuck."

"Well, at least let us stay with you until you fall back to sleep,"Mikasa pressed, ignoring his unnecessary use of foul language. It was pretty sad to say she was more then used to it by now.

The brunette sighed, burying his face into Mikasa's lap as he attempted to make himself comfortable enough for sleep. "Do whatever the hell you want, I guess..." Which Mikasa and Armin automatically took as Eren's way of thanking them.

"You can lie down if you'd like as well, Armin," Mikasa offered, watching as the boy in her lap allowed for his eyes to flutter shut. His quaking had ceased completely by this point, and his breathes were becoming more and more steady with each passing moment.

Armin gave her a small smile, speaking in a whispery voice, "Thanks, Mikasa. But I'd like to stay up with him too."

Mikasa merely nodded, her hazel orbs fixed on the dark haired boy who was so very precious to her. For the long while that followed, the two remained mute – watching Eren as he was slowly consumed by sleep, his gentle breathes the only sound that filled their ears in the dead quiet of the night. Mikasa pressed her lips together in a tight line, the faintest crease appearing on her forehead the longer she stared down at the jaded boy who rested within her lap. Her hand may have been caressing Eren's hair, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

Despite her silence at that time, she knew.

Eren had lied.

He'd never dreamed about his and Armin's ambition.

Perhaps Eren wasn't aware, but Mikasa had lived with him long enough to learn his mother's old trick. It may have been the middle of the night, darkness dimming his features in the process. But she noticed it as if it'd been clear as day. She'd noticed as Eren's ears flushed red – an action that always took place whenever the brown haired boy happened to be lying. She'd chosen not to question it, though that didn't keep the frown from her face as disappointment oozed into her very being.

When she was positive that Eren had drifted off into a dreamless sleep, she murmured under her breath, making the blonde haired boy across from her jump, startled. "Eren lied..." That was all she said. Whether she was announcing such to Armin or not, she wasn't exactly sure. She could only continue to gaze down upon Eren, her eyes somewhat sad that he wouldn't tell them the absolute truth. When would Eren open up to her? Ever since Shiginishina... he felt much more closed off then before.

Armin's facial features quickly relaxed once the shock of Mikasa's sudden voice faded. He bowed his head slightly, his brow pushing downward as a weak smile crossed his lips. "Yeah... I know."

Mikasa was a bit surprised, but wondered why she should feel such at all. Armin wasn't stupid. He was the most intelligent person she'd come to know. Of course over the years he'd known Eren – which were much longer then her, might she add – Armin would have picked up a few tricks of his own.

"So... you were playing along with him?" Mikasa asked carefully, trying to understand Armin's intention. "Why didn't you say something to him?"

Armin made a small shrug with his shoulders, hardly even breathing as he uttered softly, "Probably for the same reason that you never said anything about it... I don't think pressing the issue will do Eren any good. I want him to talk to us when he's ready to. I want him to _want _to tell us. I'm still proud of him for contemplating it at all though." He bit the inside of his mouth, absorbing the image of Eren's sleeping form below him. He peered into his face, wondering if maybe they could just stay this way forever. Speaking his mind, while also attempting to divert from the current topic, Armin added daintily,"Eren looks really peaceful when he's sleeping, doesn't he? I like him... when he looks like this."

Mikasa nodded at everything the blonde haired boy said. She agreed with each and every word. She felt the same way. "Sleep is the only time I believe he feels at peace." She couldn't stand the thought that maybe even Eren's dreamworld was filled with horror and misery as well. At least he appeared at ease in that moment...

She leaned down as far as she possibly could, which was quite far considering she was rather flexible. Pressing her forehead against Eren's, she whispered for only him to hear, "I'll protect you..." Yes. She would do her utmost to protect his dreams as well. She would protect him. _All_ of him.

No matter how many more nightmares Eren suffered; nor how many more hardships and battles the three of them faced, they would have each other. And once Eren was finally ready to open up to them again, Armin and Mikasa would both be there for him. They would wait for him. Neither of them would even process that possibility that such promises could not be kept – not in an apocalyptic world.

She remained that way, until finally she sat back up, her spine aching faintly in discomfort. It seemed she had been caught up in her thoughts far longer then she'd intended, because when her hazel orbs wandered over to where Armin had been sitting, she took in his figure, curled up against her knees and Eren's frame as he continued to clasp onto Eren's hand. Mikasa couldn't help but smile, extending a hand out to brush through the blonde's bangs. "Goodnight, Armin."

With that, she carefully lifted Eren's head from her lap, laying down next to him. Rolling onto her side, she tucked one hand underneath the brunette's head – pulling him in closer to her chest, and then reached across Eren's form with her other hand to brush her fingers against Armin's arm. "I'm still right here, okay, Eren?" her lips caressed the sleeping boy's ear as she gradually began to close her eyes, "Armin's still here too. We're not going anywhere. We love you..."

Her thoughts were beginning to feel foggy as the temptation of sleep swirled through her mind. How could she not find herself so relaxed, feeling the soft, warm skin of the two people she loved most against her; their steady breathes, and even the rhythmic beating of their hearts filling her ears with their lullaby if she listened closely enough.

It wasn't until her vital signs matched their own that Eren murmured sleepily, barely even audible.

"Yeah... Me too."

* * *

**Haha, I'm a bit embarrassed considering this was my first SnK fic. Hmmm, but I hope you all liked it anyway! I'd love it if you left me a review to let me know what you think about it. Thanks a bunch for reading! =) **


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